I'm jealous of your bromance
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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