he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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