PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
