I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
