If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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