I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
