You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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