Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
