just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
