I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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