Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
