Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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