If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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