now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
