if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
