remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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