I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize