Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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