pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
