Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
