so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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