Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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