so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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