If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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