I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
