Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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