I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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