Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
