I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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