it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
