I just threw up on my dentist
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
