You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
