I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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