i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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