can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
