even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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