I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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