chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
