we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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