you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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