I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
