im holly from the hills drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
