Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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