Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
