Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
