My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
