So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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