Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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