A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
