its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
