R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
