I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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