I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
