I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize