Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
