shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Plan B is the new Plan A
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
