I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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