Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
