hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
pray to the hookup gods
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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