You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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