Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
