I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
