what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
