i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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