shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
