i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
