I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
