He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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