dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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