I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize