Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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