I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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