True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
