Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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