so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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