What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
operation harelip BJ is a go
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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