I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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