i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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